Davery, Part 2

[american_tanuki]

[The scene: Some fuckin' party. The time: Past midnight, probably. The place: The couch. The Sara: Even more high than she usually gets at parties.]

Have you ever noticed that people only talk about how lame a party is when they're trying to impress someone? What are you even supposed to say if you wind up at a genuinely disappointing party? They're the only thing you can't complain about without sounding like you're flirting with someone.

Comments

[counterclock]

Are you complaining about the party or flirting with me right now, [Avery deadpans, raising her eyebrows at Sara.] I just cannot seem to tell.

[american_tanuki]

Actually, I'm really enjoying this party, it isn't lame at all.

[counterclock]

That makes one of us. Dude, you were too busy ripping off that shitty water bong, but some guy totally gagged while funneling and got it all over himself. 0/10, would not recommend or repeat. I didn't even laugh.

[american_tanuki]

We all have to start somewhere, Avery! Today's gagging funnel dude is tomorrow's life of the party.

[counterclock]

Or tomorrows ICU patient.

[She grabs a pillow and slaps Sara with it.] You're just high. That's the only reason why you're having fun. I don't know why I take you anywhere when you're obviously tearing this family apart.

[american_tanuki]

[Sara takes the pillow, drops it in Avery's lap, then rests her head on it.]

Tearing apart families is what I do. I'm either a homewrecker or a starving lion.

[counterclock]

Starving lion? Oh. Tearing apart families, I get it. You dumbass. [Avery moves her arm amiably and allows Sara to take up residence in her lap. Her heart does not start beating a little harder, nope.] I don't think you could tear apart a family with anything more than some gnarly passive aggressive coffee drinking, to be completely honest.

[american_tanuki]

[Sara does not protest, either because she's totally into Avery or because she's high as hell. That's probably an important distinction.]

I am raw as hell. I once questioned a man's taste in music so hard that he caught on fire.

[counterclock]

[Whoops.]

I think I was there for that. He hadn't ever heard of Domino Empire and you just kind of slayed him until he was sobbing. The tears ejaculating from his tearducts caused some kind of physics-defying spontaneous combustion chemical reaction.

[american_tanuki]

To this day, he can't hear anything starting with a G chord without breaking into tears.

[counterclock]

You ruined that guy's life, [Avery says, pushing Sara's hat down over her eyes.] I hope you're proud.

[american_tanuki]

I am as proud as I am blind. My hat has betrayed me.

[counterclock]

[Pinching Sara's nose through the hat, Avery continues,] It was only a matter of time. This hat and I have been conspiring against you for like, ever. You're about to die. Any last words?

[american_tanuki]

[Pinched-nose voice:] If I strike a pose before rigor mortis sets in, do you think I could flip off everyone at my funeral?

[counterclock]

... Let's try it. [Fake smothers Sara with the hat.] Strike a pose, bae.

[american_tanuki]

[Grabs another pillow and hits Davery's face with it while being smothered.]

[counterclock]

[Abruptly seizes up, gasps, falls over dead.] Congrats. You've slain me. You'll live another day, but at what cost?

[american_tanuki]

[Extracts self from pile of hats and pillows and limbs to sit back up on couch.] I guess that depends on who you left that Sneakerpimps vinyl to in your will.

[counterclock]

[Avery pauses, thinks, and then shoves pillow back in Sara's face, aiming to knock her over.] Not you, loser. I'll have it burned before I see it in your grubby hands.

[Then she pulls the pillow away, peering down at the other hipster douche in the room (the only one she likes anyway).] Y'wanna get out of here? I got some booze at home that's at least half as bad as any of the stuff they're serving here.

[american_tanuki]

[Luxurious yawn, like a surly cat.] Sure. They ran out of good music to play an hour ago, anyway.

[counterclock]

[Okay, her heart did not just do a thing there. Not at all. Nope. She wasn't powerfully overcome by the desire to put her face on this girl. No way.

Now that that's cleared up.]

Your opinion of this party is way too high. I'm not letting you get high without me ever again. [She pops off the couch before she does anything stupid, and folds her hand behind her head to stretch.]

[american_tanuki]

Inflating your opinions of parties is an important survival skill if you want to enjoy parties in college. You're going to have to lead the way, I don't even remember whose house this is.

(cw: davery jokes about roofies)

[counterclock]

Someone is gonna drug your drink some day, girl. It won't be your fault and I won't laugh because that'd be fucking awful but man, I don't wanna go to jail for killin' some bastard.

[She pauses.] I dunno where I was going with that. Don't make me a murderer, Sara. [She grabs the girl's hand and pilots her toward the door.]

[american_tanuki]

[One stoned travel montage later]

This is a pretty sweet place you've got here.

[Sara you've been here before, multiple times]

[counterclock]

[Avery blinks at her, then snorts.] You know what, I don't think you need anything else tonight after all. You're fucked up. How much did you even smoke?